Tuesday, February 18, 2014

When life becomes a challenge

I am living my last weeks in France and things finally seem to go back on track ! It's a sort of revival: I swear, it feels like spring is coming or something, but for the first time in a while, I can hear the birds singing by my window. This morning, I just have the wonderful feeling that everything's gonna be ok ... :)

I had two rough weeks lately, because of my departure, because I couldn't find an accommodation, because I was too stressed and had too much work to do. The deadlines are coming really soon, but I feel that everything is well organised in my mind and I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Of course, I am worried because what's next is challenging !

Two months ago, I took one of the biggest decisions in my life: I have decided to leave Guillaume and move back to Ireland for five months. This time, I'll be working and living with complete strangers. I'll be out of my comfort zone in an unknown environment. But if I can't do that when I am 21, when will I ? I want to prove myself that I can be in a relationship but that I can be independent in my professional life as well. And I should do that now, because we are still studying, we have no real boundaries here in France, no child, no house, no pets, no jobs. We have our families, but Ireland is not that far, is it ?

So here I am, wondering about the things I want to do (and eat) before I go. Wondering about how it will be to work with Irish and international colleagues, if I will manage my budget or make friends. I love Ireland so much that, deep inside, it makes me hopeful ... It's like my second home, so nothing's gonna be wrong ! Maybe I will never want to leave ! I just keep thinking that life is scary sometimes, but also full of surprises. And no matter what's next, it will always come out with something good ! All we need is a little bit of faith ...

Friday, February 07, 2014

Since the beginning of the week, I have been worrying and complaining all the time. Because I have failed my exams, because I was tired, because I didn't have an accommodation in Dublin yet ... It's been really hard to bear all this anger and frustration. And yesterday morning, my world fell apart. I am filled with emotion as one of my friends' dad has cancer. So today, I wanted to write about someone special. Someone who's been there a lot for me: my good friend Adeline. She probably doesn't even know that I am writing this blog and she might never read this post. But whatever. She is such a good person that I want to tell you about her and how much she means to me.

When I first met her, she had this sort of halo surrounding her that made me feel safe and peaceful. The first second I saw her, I wanted to become her friend. I have always admired her, because first of all, let's be honest, she is a beautiful girl. She is not the skinny bimbo type, but yet she's gorgeous. And do you know why ? Because she loves herself the way she is, and because she has a good heart. I really appreciate her for being honest and true. Unlike other college girls, she is not gossiping or complaining all the time (and I admit, I am sometimes). She is optimistic and always encouraging her friends. Two years ago, I've been through a tough period when Guillaume was away in England. Adeline was the only person I could talk about my problems, because she is not the kind of person who will speak behind your back. I realized she was a good listener, a good confidant, but that she had been through a lot as well, which had made her stronger. Adeline is the kind of person who would change your life, make you grow up and see life completely differently...

This makes me feel terrible. Why does she have to go through this ? And how can I help her ? I suddenly feel stupid and childish. In these hard times, you realize that life is so fragile and so tough. I am just feeling tiny and useless ... I know you don't know her, but if you have read this, please think and pray for her and her family in this difficult moment of their life. Thank you,

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