Blog in Progress

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A few weeks ago, my blog celebrated its first anniversary. I know that I don't post much, but I really care about writing and having this little space on the web. I like to share a bit of my everyday life with other bloggers and readers from the rest of the world.

I started blogging a while ago, when I was about thirteen. I remember opening my first blog during the summer 2006, when I spent my first holidays at my uncle's in Ireland. At that time, I candidly wrote about the things I liked, such as celebrities, my favorite ice cream's flavors, my feelings and emotions. It was a simple web page in which I spent hours decorating each article, answering comments ... I was really involved in this blog for about three years and I wrote my posts with all my heart. But at some point, I had to face plagiarism and critics. I guess it is part of blogging, but when you are only a teen, it's not easy to see that people use (most of the time anonymously) the internet to pour their hatred at you, most of the time for no reason. It didn't stop me from blogging, but I think that it lead to a sort of self-censorship. I felt it harder and harder to reveal my feelings and to wrote about personal things, as I was afraid to be judged or to make a fool of myself ...

Moreover, as I grew up, I wanted a different kind of blog. I have seen the blogosphere evolving so fast, so many people creating blogs and posting that I have to admit, I became envious. I wanted  a nice design, more and more readers ... I wanted to do like all the other bloggers and started to feel stuck. I have lost all my inspiration trying to "copy" others ... And I am not proud of it, even if I never plagiarized anyone, I know that this is not how it works. Writing about the same things, having the same pictures or the same design as other girls don't make any point. Plus, I have realized that writing and self expression do not work if you are just seeking success. I don't want to write to have more comments and viewers/followers. I want to write because I have something to say and to share. Now, I am looking for a blog that would be more like me. Something personal, more mature ... But finding a real identity when you are still in between teenage-hood and adulthood is not easy. I wish I was able to express my emotions without complaining all the time ! I think that at the moment, I am still in a process ...

Lately, I've been reading a lot of posts about how to manage your blog successfully. Some people will say I need to find a "niche" or to define a specific topic. But come on ! I am only twenty one, I am not better than the rest of us. I have nothing to teach but a lot to learn. I am not a fashionista, I am terrible at doing stuff myself, I love traveling but don't have enough money to do so ... I don't want to expose my life and impress people. I just like to talk about the things I enjoy as a simple college student entering the real world. I am no expert in anything. And I don't want to pretend I am one. When I created this blog, my intentions were to connect with other bloggers from all over the world, and that is why I decided to write in English instead of French. I felt inspired by these young women blogging about their faith, their struggle, their joy ... I wanted to be part of this community and blog again, because writing has always been important for my well being.

Even if this blog doesn't look professional at all, I think it actually reflects a lot about who I am: a young woman trying to find her place in this world.

It's been a while ...

Sooo ... I know, I didn't post anything for months ... 5 months to be more precise !

When I moved to Dublin 5 months ago, I found it really hard to get used to this new lifestyle. I took the bus everyday for about 1H30 and I was absolutely exausted after a day at work ! I struggled to find a balance between work, studies (because I still have to write my thesis) and social life. Because being on my own in a new city, far from my loved ones made me feel lonely and depressed (sometimes ^^) ...

I really wanted to post something, but I wanted to make things properly. I still read some of my favorite blogs but I think I needed a sort of break. Not just blogging ... I mean, I needed to figure what I wanted to do with my life, my priorities, my goals ... It took me some weeks, it has been really hard sometimes, but I needed it.

This internship is one of the greatest work experience I never had. I have learn so much about the tourism industry but also about myself. When I started my masters, I felt so depressed and unqualified. I never studied it and I struggled a lot. I wanted to quit and I felt weak and out of my comfort zone. My internship made me realise that I was qualified enough to work in that field. That I loved it and that even if studies are not what will make me a professional, I needed them to reach my goals. I feel much more confident now, and I know that I can do whatever I want if I really want it !

I actually realised that when my manager told me to apply for a position within the company. That was a big decision to make, because I had to see with Guillaume if he was ready to follow me in Ireland, if I wanted to quit my studies to start working full time ... What did I want ? What was  home for me ? Did I really want to do this alone ?  I had an awful couple of days figuring this out .. And once I saw things clearer, I realised I needed to come home, because right now, home is with my man I love. I am only 21, I want to have time to make the biggest decisions in my life such as moving in a foreign country for a year or more. And I have to finish what I started.

So, basically, this is what happened in the last couple of weeks ! I travelled a bit, but I will post about that later ! I am now eager to get a fresh start and to blog again :)