When life becomes a challenge

I am living my last weeks in France and things finally seem to go back on track ! It's a sort of revival: I swear, it feels like spring is coming or something, but for the first time in a while, I can hear the birds singing by my window. This morning, I just have the wonderful feeling that everything's gonna be ok ... :)

I had two rough weeks lately, because of my departure, because I couldn't find an accommodation, because I was too stressed and had too much work to do. The deadlines are coming really soon, but I feel that everything is well organised in my mind and I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Of course, I am worried because what's next is challenging !

Two months ago, I took one of the biggest decisions in my life: I have decided to leave Guillaume and move back to Ireland for five months. This time, I'll be working and living with complete strangers. I'll be out of my comfort zone in an unknown environment. But if I can't do that when I am 21, when will I ? I want to prove myself that I can be in a relationship but that I can be independent in my professional life as well. And I should do that now, because we are still studying, we have no real boundaries here in France, no child, no house, no pets, no jobs. We have our families, but Ireland is not that far, is it ?

So here I am, wondering about the things I want to do (and eat) before I go. Wondering about how it will be to work with Irish and international colleagues, if I will manage my budget or make friends. I love Ireland so much that, deep inside, it makes me hopeful ... It's like my second home, so nothing's gonna be wrong ! Maybe I will never want to leave ! I just keep thinking that life is scary sometimes, but also full of surprises. And no matter what's next, it will always come out with something good ! All we need is a little bit of faith ...

Since the beginning of the week, I have been worrying and complaining all the time. Because I have failed my exams, because I was tired, because I didn't have an accommodation in Dublin yet ... It's been really hard to bear all this anger and frustration. And yesterday morning, my world fell apart. I am filled with emotion as one of my friends' dad has cancer. So today, I wanted to write about someone special. Someone who's been there a lot for me: my good friend Adeline. She probably doesn't even know that I am writing this blog and she might never read this post. But whatever. She is such a good person that I want to tell you about her and how much she means to me.

When I first met her, she had this sort of halo surrounding her that made me feel safe and peaceful. The first second I saw her, I wanted to become her friend. I have always admired her, because first of all, let's be honest, she is a beautiful girl. She is not the skinny bimbo type, but yet she's gorgeous. And do you know why ? Because she loves herself the way she is, and because she has a good heart. I really appreciate her for being honest and true. Unlike other college girls, she is not gossiping or complaining all the time (and I admit, I am sometimes). She is optimistic and always encouraging her friends. Two years ago, I've been through a tough period when Guillaume was away in England. Adeline was the only person I could talk about my problems, because she is not the kind of person who will speak behind your back. I realized she was a good listener, a good confidant, but that she had been through a lot as well, which had made her stronger. Adeline is the kind of person who would change your life, make you grow up and see life completely differently...

This makes me feel terrible. Why does she have to go through this ? And how can I help her ? I suddenly feel stupid and childish. In these hard times, you realize that life is so fragile and so tough. I am just feeling tiny and useless ... I know you don't know her, but if you have read this, please think and pray for her and her family in this difficult moment of their life. Thank you,

Happy birthday to the sweetest little girl !

About eleven years ago, at the beginning of January, I found a piece of paper in the playground of my school. There were nothing but numbers written on it: 30/01/2003. I thought it was weird, as this day did not happen yet and I threw the paper away. But on January 30th 2003, a couple of days later, my little cousin Zoe was born. I already had other cousins from my age, but Zoe and I have a special connection. We get on well like friends, despite our different ages. Our family keeps thinking that she is a mini-me and that we look a lot alike. Through the years, I have spent most of my summer holidays with her in Ireland, and I ended up living at her place last year. We like the same songs and the same tv programs and unconsciously, she does the same things I did when I was her age, like performing during family dinners or when there are guests. When you see Zoe and I walking together, you could think we are sisters, even if she is ten years younger. And to me, she is like the little sister I never had.

Christmas, 2007

You should know that Zoe is Irish and French. She speaks English fluently but she used to have some difficulties with French, which was really funny when she tried to pronounce some French names with the letter "r" or made cute grammar mistakes. She is the sweetest girl I know. Zoe is only eleven, but she has such a big heart ... When she comes to visit my parents, she buys some sweets and she is like "Are you sure EVERYONE loves it ?". It is so funny because I have never met a kid of her age who likes buying gifts and presents for other people. She always gives her toys and old clothes to other children who come from large families or gives them to charity (well, except the bed she had as a baby because she wants her children to have it ! Yes she does !).

One happy family, June 2013

She is only eleven, but she is very gifted. Since she was a toddler, she always said: "When I will be older, I will be a mother, a singer and a teacher !". The fun fact is that she still believes it ! She is good at school, even if we speak French at home and no one speaks Irish. She also has a wonderful voice and sings in her school's choir.  She will also be performing in an opera in March and I am so happy to be there to support her !

Last year, when I moved to Ireland for my semester abroad, I had some of my friends in the same college. She knew all of them. When she first met Guillaume, she asked him so many questions that she probably knew more stuff than I did ! She knew his sisters' names, their age, how many uncles and aunts he had ...  I like that she gets on well with Guillaume. I remember when he came to visit last year, I found them chatting in my room about Harry Potter and kids books, it was so funny ! Zoe cares about her family and her friends, but in the good way. One day, when she was upset, I asked her if it was because of school. She told me that one girl was messing with her and I asked her if that was the reason why she was sad and she said: "No, I just don't want to do my homework. I don't like this girl, so I don't care what she says about me." Well, I should take that as a lesson ! I think it's unbelievable to hear that from the mouth of an eleven years old girl, especially in our society in which what people think of us matter so (too ?) much. 

Yesterday, my baby cousin turned eleven, and I had to write something about her and how amazing she is. 

I hope she will read this someday and understand how much I love her. Happy Birthday Zoe ! :)

January Goals

I know, it's been almost two weeks since I wrote my last post ! And no, it's never too late to catch up and write about my January goals ! :)  Basically, my life has been about studying for my thesis, going to class, organizing my stay in Ireland and spending as many time as possible with Guillaume. The beginning of 2014 is much busier than I thought !

My December Goals

• Decorate our home for Christmas
• Study for my exams
• Plan a party for New Year's Eve
• Send out Christmas Cards
• Spend time with my family

I have to say December was pretty great. Of course, it has been tough with my exams to take and all the craziness of Christmas shopping. But yet, it has been a wonderful time. Strangely, I did not care so much about my exams' results. I know I will have to repeat  at least one of them, but I thought: "I've done my best, if it doesn't work out, then I will do something else". And yaaay ! For the first time since I have started this blog, I have achieved all of my goals ! We decorated our home for the very first time, I have stayed a week at my parents' and I even had the chance to spend time with Guillaume's family. On New Year's Eve, we were invited by two friends of ours and we spent the evening with another couple of friends. It was a great way to end 2013, wishing the best for the new year coming ! 

My January Goals

• Give my blood (I know ... again ! It's been 3 months already !)
• Save 150€ for Dublin
• Buy new clothes for the internship
• Start studying for the February exams
• Finish all the papers for the internship
• Go to the restaurant with Guillaume

It's not too late for you to make your goals ! What are they ? :)

Goodbye 2013 ! Hello 2014 !

2013 has been a very special year to me. From January to May, I had the experience of a lifetime and had the chance to live in my dream country: Ireland. I took my small car all along the Brittany coasts, took a boat for 18 hours and learnt how to drive on the left side. I have lived for four months with incredible people who were and will always be a great inspiration in my life: my uncle, my aunt and my cousin. I have spent quality time with Zoe and get closer to her, I now consider her as a little sister. I have also met new people and rediscovered others. For the first time in my life, I have realized that some of my friends were really important to me, that I could rely on them no matter the distance or our past.

In 2013, I have been away from Guillaume for four months, for the second time since we are together. This time, he has been the one waiting for me to come home. He has been incredibly patient and supportive, he opened up about his feelings and his fears. And he has been a wonderful boyfriend in the good as in the bad moments. This year was a huge step forward for us, since we moved together in September. After dreaming of it for a year or so, we found the perfect little place for the both of us. It took me time to realize how much I loved it, how cozy it was and that actually, it was our home. We have also celebrated our third year as a couple !

In 2013, I got my bachelor degree in English and finished up a three years program in my former university. I passed with pretty good grades, which gave me the opportunity to enter in a master in tourism. I remember how excited I was when I was accepted ! I moved to a new city, went to a new university and studied new courses. But actually, things did not turn that well ... I could not say if it was a good or a bad thing. This is probably a lesson I should learn from last year: never take things for granted. It is not because you succeed in one thing that you will always be successful. Even if you struggle, you have to do your best and fight for your dreams and what you believe in.

I wish 2014 will be as good as 2013, because even if I felt hopeless and confused sometimes, I have been lucky and I am thankful for all the wonderful moments I had and shared with amazing people ! I want 2014 to be about love, friendship and success (big word, but I just want to prove myself that I can do it !). In 2014, I will also be healthier, because love is also about loving myself and treating my body well. I am also really concerned about the spiritual side of it, so I will stop thinking of those who have been hurting me in the past. I will try to forgive and forget. In 2014, I will be more of an adult than a girl. I will be more mature and responsible; I want to be a good person.

To all of you who are stopping by and reading me, I wish you a Happy New Year. I wish you health, happiness, love and success ! May 2014 be yours ;)